Transfer Talk

Well, the transfer window has slammed shut, and what a breathless final 72 hours it's been. It’s a bit like a student finishing their dissertation at 3 am on the due date, only the "dissertation" is a multi-million-pound footballer. The final day saw a frenzy of activity. Liverpool, in a move that's been dragging on longer than a penalty shootout, finally got their man, Alexander Isak, from Newcastle for a British record fee. It's safe to say they've broken the bank, and possibly the British record for most protracted transfer saga. Manchester United, meanwhile, decided that what they really needed was... more players. They’ve added Premier League-proven Bryan Mbeumo to their forward line from Brentford for a tidy sum, and also brought in goalkeeper Senne Lammens, presumably to save all the shots that will come their way after their busy summer. Elsewhere, Arsenal have been busy in the final hours, not only confirming the long-rumored arrival of Eberechi Eze from Crystal Palace, but also bringing in Christian Norgaard from Brentford and Noni Madueke from Chelsea. They’ve decided that if you can’t get your team to stop losing, just keep adding new players until it works. It’s a bold strategy. The other big one was Aston Villa, who made a last-ditch triple swoop, bringing in Jadon Sancho and Harvey Elliott on loan from Manchester United and Liverpool respectively, and a free transfer for Victor Lindelof. It's a bit like a footballing episode of "The Last Chance Saloon," but for multi-millionaire players.

Treatment Table

The beautiful game has a cruel side, and it seems to have a particular vendetta against Arsenal's physios. The injury list at the Emirates is longer than my shopping list before a big food shop. The latest worry is for Gabriel Jesus, who was stretchered off with a serious-looking knee injury. The club is staying tight-lipped, which is never a good sign, is it? Meanwhile, a whole host of players across the league are on the physio table. Chelsea's Levi Colwill and Crystal Palace's Chadi Riad are both facing long spells out with knee injuries. It seems like the knees of Premier League footballers have decided to go on a collective protest this week. Over at Manchester United, Lisandro Martinez and Mason Mount are still out with various issues. It's getting to the point where they might just have to sign a new set of players just to cover for the ones who are injured. You have to wonder if they'll have to start holding training sessions in a hydrotherapy pool.

Top Stories

1. Tottenham's Chairman Says "Toodle-loo" In a turn of events that has shaken up the world of footballing hierarchies, Tottenham Hotspur's long-time chairman, Daniel Levy, has stepped down. The club confirmed the news, stating it was part of their plan for "long-term sporting success." You have to wonder what that means. Did he leave because he finally got the stadium built and decided his work was done? Or was it because he saw the new price of a pint in the concourse and thought, "Right, I'm out"? Either way, it's a big deal for Spurs and the Premier League, and it will be fascinating to see what the future holds for the club without him at the helm. 2. Howard Webb Apologies for VAR Shenanigans. It wouldn't be a week in football without a bit of VAR controversy, would it? The referees' chief, Howard Webb, has admitted that the decision to disallow a goal for Fulham against Chelsea was a "misjudgement." The goal, which would have been a massive boost for Fulham, was chalked off, leading to the usual outrage from fans, pundits, and probably the Fulham kit man. Webb's apology is a bit like getting a "sorry for your loss" card after someone has broken your favorite mug. It's nice, but it doesn't bring the mug back, does it? The incident has reignited the debate about VAR and whether it’s helping or just causing more headaches.